Shock and awe

Hi guys!

I'm a very competitive person, and this gets me in a lot of trouble. Specially, when I meet new people, cause you know, when you just meet someone, you gotta tell stories about yourself or state a fun fact about you, right? well.. this is when I go from normal to retardedly weird! (retardedly... is that a real word? fuck it! it is now!)
In my stupid competitive brain, I always think that this is some sort of challenge, and whoever has the most fucked up story, wins! so Immediately after she says " Hi! I'm Jane, I got 2 cats" I say " Hey, I'm Joel, my mom is a lesbian!" .I know, I know, this girl is probably thinking "what the fuck is wrong with this guy?", but in my head all I hear is this guy saying " BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE! CHECK AND MATE!"
 I'm so hardcore that after I fucked with her mind, I just look at her straight in the eyes! stone cold dead! Because pick-up lines, strategy, wing-man and all that bullshit are for pussies! I just SHOCK N AWE! baby I know ;) ! so yeah.. I'm single! (insert "forever alone" meme)

 Lets get serious guys! lets save Marty Mcfly ! If you happen to read this and have a lot of money, please take part in this auction where all the funds collected will go to the Michael J. Fox Parkinson's foundation.... and you know.. well if you don't want the shoes, just send them to me!

And as always here is your treat, and I know I'm spoiling you guys but today is a double feature! Bye!